My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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My 4 Year Old Won't Listen
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

My 4 Year Old Won't Listen

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.

Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mom or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion under it

• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.

• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. My 4 Year Old Won’t Listen


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