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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. My 6 Year Old Cries All The Time
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