Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. My 6 Year Old Doesn’t Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.