My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Giving your children whatever they ask for My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who adopt this design have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or father you’ve always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main feeling below it

• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. My 7 Year Old Cries All The Time


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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