Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Boyfriend Hates My Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.