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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mom or father you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. My Child Is Afraid To Ask To Use The Bathroom
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