Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Child Will Not Listen
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.My Child Will Not Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy My Child Will Not Listen
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development My Child Will Not Listen
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Child Will Not Listen
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for My Child Will Not Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. My Child Will Not Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Child Will Not Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … My Child Will Not Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. My Child Will Not Listen
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My Child Will Not Listen
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? My Child Will Not Listen
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? My Child Will Not Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Child Will Not Listen
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. My Child Will Not Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.