Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Child Won’t Listen
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.My Child Won’t Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My Child Won’t Listen
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development My Child Won’t Listen
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Child Won’t Listen
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for My Child Won’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. My Child Won’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My Child Won’t Listen
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … My Child Won’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. My Child Won’t Listen
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My Child Won’t Listen
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? My Child Won’t Listen
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Child Won’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Child Won’t Listen
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. My Child Won’t Listen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.