My Dad Has Anger Issues – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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My Dad Has Anger Issues
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Dad Has Anger Issues

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.My Dad Has Anger Issues

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer My Dad Has Anger Issues

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development My Dad Has Anger Issues

My Dad Has Anger Issues

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Dad Has Anger Issues

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they ask for My Dad Has Anger Issues

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-term results than strict control.

Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. My Dad Has Anger Issues

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. My Dad Has Anger Issues

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it

• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … My Dad Has Anger Issues

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. My Dad Has Anger Issues

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Dad Has Anger Issues

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My Dad Has Anger Issues

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? My Dad Has Anger Issues

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Dad Has Anger Issues

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Dad Has Anger Issues


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