Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Husband Doesn’t Like My Son
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.