My Husband Hates My Kids – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Cooperate

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

My Husband Hates My Kids
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Husband Hates My Kids

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.My Husband Hates My Kids

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach My Husband Hates My Kids

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development My Husband Hates My Kids

My Husband Hates My Kids

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Husband Hates My Kids

Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want My Husband Hates My Kids

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who adopt this concept have learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Husband Hates My Kids

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mama or dad you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. My Husband Hates My Kids

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling under it

• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … My Husband Hates My Kids

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. My Husband Hates My Kids

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Husband Hates My Kids

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? My Husband Hates My Kids

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Just how can you become a positive parent? My Husband Hates My Kids

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Husband Hates My Kids

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. My Husband Hates My Kids


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!