My Husband Hates My Son – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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My Husband Hates My Son
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. My Husband Hates My Son

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.My Husband Hates My Son

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution My Husband Hates My Son

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development My Husband Hates My Son

My Husband Hates My Son

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? My Husband Hates My Son

First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they want My Husband Hates My Son

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Husband Hates My Son

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mother or dad you’ve always wanted to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Husband Hates My Son

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion under it

• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … My Husband Hates My Son

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. My Husband Hates My Son

This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My Husband Hates My Son

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? My Husband Hates My Son

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Husband Hates My Son

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Husband Hates My Son

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. My Husband Hates My Son


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