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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. My Kids Don’t Listen To Me
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