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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
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