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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. My One Year Old Hits
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.My One Year Old Hits
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My One Year Old Hits
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development My One Year Old Hits
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? My One Year Old Hits
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want My One Year Old Hits
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. My One Year Old Hits
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My One Year Old Hits
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … My One Year Old Hits
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. My One Year Old Hits
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My One Year Old Hits
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? My One Year Old Hits
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? My One Year Old Hits
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My One Year Old Hits
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. My One Year Old Hits
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