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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My One Year Old Keeps Hitting His Head
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