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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Parents Are So Strict
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.My Parents Are So Strict
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan My Parents Are So Strict
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development My Parents Are So Strict
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Parents Are So Strict
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want My Parents Are So Strict
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. My Parents Are So Strict
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My Parents Are So Strict
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … My Parents Are So Strict
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. My Parents Are So Strict
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My Parents Are So Strict
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? My Parents Are So Strict
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? My Parents Are So Strict
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Parents Are So Strict
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. My Parents Are So Strict
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.