My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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My Son Doesn't Listen To Me
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles result in healthy child development My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

My Son Doesn't Listen To Me

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they want My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Discover the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it

• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. My Son Doesn’t Listen To Me


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