My Son Hates His Stepfather – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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My Son Hates His Stepfather
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Son Hates His Stepfather

There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.My Son Hates His Stepfather

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach My Son Hates His Stepfather

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development My Son Hates His Stepfather

My Son Hates His Stepfather

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? My Son Hates His Stepfather

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they ask for My Son Hates His Stepfather

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Son Hates His Stepfather

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mommy or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

We can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My Son Hates His Stepfather

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it

• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … My Son Hates His Stepfather

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. My Son Hates His Stepfather

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Son Hates His Stepfather

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My Son Hates His Stepfather

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Son Hates His Stepfather

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Son Hates His Stepfather

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. My Son Hates His Stepfather


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