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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion under it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. My Son Is Almost 2 And Not Talking
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