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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.My Son Is Two And Not Talking
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer My Son Is Two And Not Talking
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development My Son Is Two And Not Talking
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Son Is Two And Not Talking
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for My Son Is Two And Not Talking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … My Son Is Two And Not Talking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? My Son Is Two And Not Talking
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Son Is Two And Not Talking
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. My Son Is Two And Not Talking
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