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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. My Son Loves Me
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.My Son Loves Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy My Son Loves Me
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development My Son Loves Me
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Son Loves Me
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for My Son Loves Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. My Son Loves Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Son Loves Me
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … My Son Loves Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. My Son Loves Me
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My Son Loves Me
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My Son Loves Me
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? My Son Loves Me
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Son Loves Me
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Son Loves Me
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.