Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back And I Get Mad
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.