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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Son Won’t Stop Talking Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.