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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. My Three Year Old Won’t Listen
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