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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. My Toddler Doesn’t Listen
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