My Toddler Hits Herself – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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My Toddler Hits Herself
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Toddler Hits Herself

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.My Toddler Hits Herself

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach My Toddler Hits Herself

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development My Toddler Hits Herself

My Toddler Hits Herself

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Toddler Hits Herself

First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they ask for My Toddler Hits Herself

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Toddler Hits Herself

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to become the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Toddler Hits Herself

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling under it

• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … My Toddler Hits Herself

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. My Toddler Hits Herself

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Toddler Hits Herself

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? My Toddler Hits Herself

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Toddler Hits Herself

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Toddler Hits Herself

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. My Toddler Hits Herself


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