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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Toddler Hits Me
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.My Toddler Hits Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy My Toddler Hits Me
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development My Toddler Hits Me
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Toddler Hits Me
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want My Toddler Hits Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. My Toddler Hits Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My Toddler Hits Me
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … My Toddler Hits Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. My Toddler Hits Me
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Toddler Hits Me
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? My Toddler Hits Me
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? My Toddler Hits Me
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Toddler Hits Me
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Toddler Hits Me
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