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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. My Toddler Hits
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.My Toddler Hits
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy My Toddler Hits
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development My Toddler Hits
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? My Toddler Hits
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for My Toddler Hits
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. My Toddler Hits
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My Toddler Hits
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … My Toddler Hits
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. My Toddler Hits
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My Toddler Hits
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? My Toddler Hits
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? My Toddler Hits
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Toddler Hits
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. My Toddler Hits
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