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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and also extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. My Toddler Won’t Stop Hitting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.