Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. My Two Year Old Cries All The Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.