My Two Year Old Hits Me – How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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My Two Year Old Hits Me
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Two Year Old Hits Me

There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.My Two Year Old Hits Me

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer My Two Year Old Hits Me

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development My Two Year Old Hits Me

My Two Year Old Hits Me

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? My Two Year Old Hits Me

Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want My Two Year Old Hits Me

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Two Year Old Hits Me

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to help you to become the mom or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. My Two Year Old Hits Me

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it

• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … My Two Year Old Hits Me

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. My Two Year Old Hits Me

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. My Two Year Old Hits Me

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? My Two Year Old Hits Me

Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Two Year Old Hits Me

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. My Two Year Old Hits Me

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. My Two Year Old Hits Me


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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