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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Two Years Old Is Not Talking
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