Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Nagging Kids
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Nagging Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Nagging Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Nagging Kids
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Nagging Kids
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Nagging Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Nagging Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Nagging Kids
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Nagging Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Nagging Kids
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Nagging Kids
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Nagging Kids
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Nagging Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Nagging Kids
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Nagging Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.