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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Needy Kid
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Needy Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Needy Kid
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Needy Kid
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Needy Kid
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Needy Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Needy Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Needy Kid
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Needy Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Needy Kid
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Needy Kid
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Needy Kid
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Needy Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Needy Kid
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Needy Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.