Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. New York State Law On Child Discipline
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.New York State Law On Child Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution New York State Law On Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development New York State Law On Child Discipline
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? New York State Law On Child Discipline
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for New York State Law On Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. New York State Law On Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. New York State Law On Child Discipline
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … New York State Law On Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. New York State Law On Child Discipline
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. New York State Law On Child Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? New York State Law On Child Discipline
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? New York State Law On Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. New York State Law On Child Discipline
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. New York State Law On Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.