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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. No Back Talk
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.No Back Talk
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy No Back Talk
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development No Back Talk
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? No Back Talk
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want No Back Talk
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. No Back Talk
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. No Back Talk
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … No Back Talk
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. No Back Talk
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. No Back Talk
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? No Back Talk
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? No Back Talk
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. No Back Talk
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. No Back Talk
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