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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. No Screen Time Before Bed
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.No Screen Time Before Bed
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach No Screen Time Before Bed
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development No Screen Time Before Bed
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? No Screen Time Before Bed
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for No Screen Time Before Bed
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. No Screen Time Before Bed
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mama or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. No Screen Time Before Bed
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … No Screen Time Before Bed
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. No Screen Time Before Bed
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. No Screen Time Before Bed
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? No Screen Time Before Bed
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? No Screen Time Before Bed
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. No Screen Time Before Bed
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. No Screen Time Before Bed
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.