No Time Outs – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

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No Time Outs
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. No Time Outs

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.No Time Outs

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution No Time Outs

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development No Time Outs

No Time Outs

In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? No Time Outs

Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they want No Time Outs

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. No Time Outs

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to help you to come to be the mommy or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. No Time Outs

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion underneath it

• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … No Time Outs

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. No Time Outs

This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. No Time Outs

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? No Time Outs

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

How can you become a positive parent? No Time Outs

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. No Time Outs

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. No Time Outs


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