Obedient Children – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Obedient Children
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Obedient Children

There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Obedient Children

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Obedient Children

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Obedient Children

Obedient Children

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Obedient Children

Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they want Obedient Children

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Obedient Children

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Get to the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

However we can get a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Obedient Children

As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it

• Most upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Obedient Children

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Obedient Children

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Obedient Children

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Obedient Children

Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Obedient Children

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Obedient Children

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Obedient Children


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