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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Obey Parents
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Obey Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Obey Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Obey Parents
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Obey Parents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Obey Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Obey Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Obey Parents
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Obey Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Obey Parents
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Obey Parents
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Obey Parents
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Obey Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Obey Parents
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Obey Parents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.