Olivia Bergeron – How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

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Olivia Bergeron
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Olivia Bergeron

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Olivia Bergeron

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Olivia Bergeron

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Olivia Bergeron

Olivia Bergeron

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Olivia Bergeron

Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Olivia Bergeron

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting results than strict control.

Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Olivia Bergeron

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Olivia Bergeron

For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling beneath it

• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Olivia Bergeron

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Olivia Bergeron

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Olivia Bergeron

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Olivia Bergeron

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Olivia Bergeron

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Olivia Bergeron

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Olivia Bergeron


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