One On One Time – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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One On One Time
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. One On One Time

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.One On One Time

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach One On One Time

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy child development One On One Time

One On One Time

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? One On One Time

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Providing your children everything they ask for One On One Time

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no restrictions

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. One On One Time

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Here are a number of the methods Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

But we can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. One On One Time

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it

• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … One On One Time

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. One On One Time

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. One On One Time

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? One On One Time

Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? One On One Time

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. One On One Time

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. One On One Time


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