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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. One Two Three Magic
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.One Two Three Magic
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer One Two Three Magic
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development One Two Three Magic
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? One Two Three Magic
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for One Two Three Magic
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. One Two Three Magic
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. One Two Three Magic
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … One Two Three Magic
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. One Two Three Magic
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. One Two Three Magic
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? One Two Three Magic
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? One Two Three Magic
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. One Two Three Magic
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. One Two Three Magic
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.