Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. One Year Old Whining
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.One Year Old Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy One Year Old Whining
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles cause healthy child development One Year Old Whining
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? One Year Old Whining
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for One Year Old Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. One Year Old Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. One Year Old Whining
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … One Year Old Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. One Year Old Whining
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. One Year Old Whining
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? One Year Old Whining
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? One Year Old Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. One Year Old Whining
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. One Year Old Whining
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.