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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Options When Your Child Wont Listen To Teachers
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