Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Other Ways To Discipline Your Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.