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When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Diciplining A Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Diciplining A Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Diciplining A Child
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Diciplining A Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Diciplining A Child
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Diciplining A Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Diciplining A Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Diciplining A Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Diciplining A Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Diciplining A Child
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Diciplining A Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Diciplining A Child
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Diciplining A Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Diciplining A Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Diciplining A Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.