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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Palilalia In Adults
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Palilalia In Adults
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Palilalia In Adults
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Palilalia In Adults
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Palilalia In Adults
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Palilalia In Adults
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Palilalia In Adults
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Palilalia In Adults
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Palilalia In Adults
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Palilalia In Adults
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Palilalia In Adults
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Palilalia In Adults
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Palilalia In Adults
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Palilalia In Adults
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Palilalia In Adults
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