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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Palilalia Speech
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Palilalia Speech
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Palilalia Speech
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Palilalia Speech
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Palilalia Speech
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Palilalia Speech
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Palilalia Speech
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Palilalia Speech
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Palilalia Speech
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Palilalia Speech
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Palilalia Speech
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Palilalia Speech
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Palilalia Speech
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Palilalia Speech
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Palilalia Speech
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